That girl

An empty room. With empty spaces. White walls and unknown faces. 

Echoed voices project from all sides. And the fear you had once forgotten, has crawled back into your empty, shattered heart. You don’t dare to open your eyes.

Because if you do, you’ll know exactly what you’ll see..

An empty room. With empty spaces. White walls and unknown faces.

Alone.

The constant agony of feeling alone. The longing to remember what pure happiness felt like. The long road ahead of you now only feels lonely and hopeless. Your dreams and futures have turned to black and gray. 

You are alone.

In an empty room. With empty spaces. White walls and unknown faces…

I won’t begin to explain how painful it feels to be alone. To feel alone in a crowded room, with people who say they’re your friends.

Everyone around you wears masks, they all have two faces and you’ve never been able to see that. I thought being happy was simple. An easy task, and for a while, it was.

But in seconds, your whole world can come crashing down. You have nowhere to turn; the person you thought would always be there, isn’t there anymore.

Sometimes you even begin to question why you’re still here; why you’re still hanging on. You know what hope is and you grasp on to every little bit that you can.

But hope has become such a small, strange thing. As well as life has.

And you’re back to the beginning, looking around the room wondering how you’re going to wake up tomorrow and act like everythings fine.

And how you’re going to keep living..  

Time passes quickly. You lose people in your life that you never wanted to let go of. Tragedy can happen so fast and there’s never anything you can do about it. When you find such a wonderful man in the world and he suddenly gets taken away from you, you find it hard to move on.

No, i’m not talking about my boyfriend, or my father, or my grandpa. I’m talking about my uncle.

He had so much heart, so much compassion for people. Its been a year and 5 months and there’s not a day out of these months that I haven’t thought about him. I pray, as much as I can without hating God, just asking God to tell him I love him. Losing someone hurts, a lot. Losing someone to cancer, nearly kills you. I can’t explain that feeling. 

You look at them and they have that exhausted look in their eyes. You hear their silent screams, you hear them cry. And for the first time, your heart has truly been broken, shattered to pieces. 

You never thought you’d see a tear fall from his eyes.. but the man that was once so strong, isn’t so strong anymore. 

R.I.P Jeff Armstrong. 

I miss you. 

I’m a second option. And don’t tell me that I’m not, because I know I am.